I don't think brook has ever known best
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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