I think I died a long time ago.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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