My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
