hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
