when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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