I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
