Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
