you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Of course I have a pirate flag
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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