I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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