just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
