ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
