they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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