I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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