We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
