The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
