Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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