Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
