were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
