she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
