Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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