Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
