Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
