i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
