my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
