Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
