6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
