He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
