He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize