I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
