i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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