My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
People in love make me want to vomit
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
