Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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