You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
