yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
