you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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