You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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