Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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