We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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