And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
