Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize