Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize