very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
