i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
