I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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