hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she looked like the before picture.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
NoShamevember. You game?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
