My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize