____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
