I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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