Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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