hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
