My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
