Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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