I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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