Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
