i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
