fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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