Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
