I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
farters have to be the big spoon...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
