I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize