So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
