Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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