This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
