apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
