But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
