The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
