I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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