just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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