Ambien. No doubt about it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
