We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
