She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
