Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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