so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
