I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
