whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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