If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
