my being single is dangerous.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
