We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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