Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
