Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
